Reassure them they are not at fault — Let them know that the abuse is never their responsibility, and they are not alone.

Recognize ongoing control — Be aware that the abuser may still have emotional, financial, or physical influence over them.

Talk openly about abusive patterns — Help them understand the cycle of abuse and how it can affect their thoughts and decisions.

Prioritize their overall well-being — Take both their physical and emotional safety seriously, and encourage self-care and boundaries.

Honor their fears and concerns — Acknowledge their feelings without judgment; their fear is real and valid.

Take their experiences seriously — Validate the severity of what they’ve gone through, even if it’s hard for them to put into words.

Offer diverse support options — Connect them to multiple trusted resources, knowing that one service may not meet all their needs.

Respect their insight and autonomy — Trust that they know their situation best, while gently reinforcing that abusive behavior tends to repeat.

Keep safety and support at the center — Let them know your main priority is their long-term safety, and you’ll be there no matter what.

Listen actively and reflectively — Echo their emotions and clarify their words to show you truly understand (e.g., “It sounds like you felt trapped”).

Avoid placing blame on them — Never suggest they’re responsible for their partner’s actions, even subtly.

Don’t pressure them with “Why don’t you just leave?” — This question can feel accusatory and overlooks the complex barriers they face.

Refrain from giving ultimatums about leaving or staying — They need space to make empowered decisions, not feel judged or pushed.

Don’t downplay their fear or doubts — What might seem minor to you could feel terrifying and real to them.

Let them make their own choices — Taking over or making decisions for them can mirror the control they’re trying to escape.

Be cautious with assumptions about therapy or treatment — Abuser programs are not always effective, and recovery is not guaranteed.

Avoid recommending couples counseling — Joint sessions can increase risk and blur accountability.

Don’t assume being more assertive will help — Sometimes, speaking up can actually escalate danger; trust their instincts.

Stay open if they defend the abuser — Emotional bonds are complex; shaming them for those feelings may push them away.

Avoid overpromising or trying to rescue them — It’s okay to support without guaranteeing safety or solutions you can’t control.